EP REVIEW: Dream - to whoever wants to hear

    Oh, Dream; few online celebrities spark as much discourse and stir up emotions quite like the hottest thing to happen to Minecraft since that weird Telltale Games spin-off thing (remember that? Me neither). Yes, the 30 million+ subscriber YouTube channel fancies himself a musician, not an unusual turn for YouTubers to be sure (it was only last year that Quadeca released the rather acclaimed I Didn't Mean to Haunt You album, so there's plenty of success to be had). Well, if it's acclaim that Dream wants, he's been struggling to say the least, with his 2021 single "Mask" being a big musical meme all over the internet when it dropped - for anyone reading this in a few years when this whole thing is inevitably forgotten about, it was pretty brutally mocked, and perhaps rightfully so. Well, 2021 was two years ago now, and since then Dream has been keeping himself busy, and arguably has plenty to explore with music, ranging from the death of a friend to seemingly the entire internet turning on him (sometimes including his own ravenous fanbase). Well, I won't pretend that these topics aren't attempted to be looked at on to whoever wants to hear, Dream's debut EP, but what I can tell you is that the overall experience is largely a failed run. Dream's own lack of singing prowess would be an issue on its own, but the fact that the production and songwriting craft isn't of a high enough caliber to redeem it only makes it worse, and the result is an EP that drags on even at only 17 minutes.

    I'm not going to hold any punches or waste any time and just jump into the biggest issue with this EP - it sounds boring as shit. It's that brand of electronic alt-pop that's seemingly been the zeitgeist of these last few years. At their best, the songs sound like generic retreads of other artists like this, such as the very generic "Kind of Love" which, for all I know, could've been some AJR track that he pinched from. At their worst, they're shitfests of electronic pop like the opening track "Slow Down", which for some baffling reason incomprehensible to me has a breakbeat? What the fuck were they thinking? There are six producers on this EP, including three on the Yung Gravy collab that is "Everest", and yet that song may be one of the worst sounding on the EP- that melody? sample? at the beginning sounds terrible. The EP's generic instrumentation kneecaps it sonically in two ways, the first being that the EP already sounded dated on release - tell me a song like "Spotlight" doesn't sound like some Katy Perry PRISM shit. The second whammy in this combo is that is does no favors in helping save Dream's vocals - the truth is that he isn't a strong singer, and never has been. Go back and listen to "Mask" or his debut single "Road Trip" and you'll see it's not just this EP; not only does Dream have a kinda weird vocal tone, but he's heavily dependent on his autotune, something that was also obvious as far back as his first singles. Now I'm not necessarily against autotune vocals on their own, but they aren't doing Dream any favors on this EP - it all combines together into a stilted affair that, while not exactly painful to listen to, is certainly no fun.

    But I know what you're already asking me: "Oh Lambda, how are the lyrics? The lyrics might be good, right?" Don't quote me on this, but no. Dream sought out the help of some songwriters on this record, which I don't necessarily have a problem with, but I'm less forgiving when the actual songs themselves range from mediocre to cringe, a word that I've been hesitating to use in this review until this very moment. The only half-decent moments are probably found on the closing number "Until I End Up Dead", a song that is probably the closest thing Dream has to a decent song in his repertoire - a tribute to his friend and collaborator Technoblade's passing, it's at least slightly better lyrically than pretty much everything else on this project, and the hook isn't too bad. I might like it more if it sounded... less like it does. The EP's worst case of lyricism really depends, but it's an easy tie between opening track "Slow Down" and "Everest" for me, the former being a boiler plate song about slowing down and enjoying life that quite literally feels like they took from an AJR song ("Birthday Party" if you're morbidly curious), and the latter is mostly pretty bland lyrically, but is brought down by the fact that Yung Gravy's feature has some of the project's absolute worst lyrical lines. Pretty much every other song sits in the middle of mediocre and embarrassing, with a song like "Spotlight" moreso mediocre, and "Invincible (like u)" more embarrassing.

    I went into this EP already with some reservations; "Mask" and "Until I End Up Dead" still were in my mind, so I wasn't exactly expecting a masterpiece, but even still I was bored out of my gourd. Dream may be no stranger to impossible odds, and yet somehow to whoever wants to hear exceeded my expectations, not so much in the sense of it being terrible, but in the sense of it having such little entertainment value to offer. There is one kind of passable song on here, and the rest is generic YouTube music fodder that will almost certainly be remembered as little more than an oddity in five years. It may not be the worst thing I've heard come out this year, but I'll be damned if it isn't the most lifeless. Maybe Dream can improve - this is, after all, his first EP and probably his first batch of songs for the most part. I await that day, because good music, no matter who its by, is still good music; But I can tell you that, sure as hell, that day ain't now.

RATING: ✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

Listen to to whoever wants to hear.